The Three Stages of Falling in Love

“Before you can grow up, you must fall in love three times…”

My colleague in office is quite a philosopher sometimes. His name is Paul, so we call the manure he spews out Paulosophy. He is particularly bullish on love, and recently he gave us some gnana that I feel is worth writing down. So here goes…

There are three stages of love, according to the sage Paul. And one may experience all three or any combination thereof.

The first stage is during the teenage years, around the age of 14 to 16. True love at this stage is not possible. It most probably is an infatuation, or your sex drive overpowering your thinking. This kind of love seeks attention, gets intimidated by others, is jealous and selfish rather than selfless and is soon lost with age like the bubbles from an open can of coke, leaving a bitter dank liquid behind. The person is too young to understand relationships, too unsure of himself to really love a person selflessly, and life is too full of opportunities to waste upon a single person for the rest of your life.

“Once, you must fall in love with your best friend, ruining your friendship forever. This will teach you who your true friends are, and the fine line between friendship and more.”

The second stage is around the age of 22 to 24. The person is mature enough to know his capabilities, is adventurous enough to stretch the limits, is hopeful and optimistic cause he hasn’t seen his brightest dreams being smashed against reality and breaking apart, nor has he been overwhelmed by the burdens of responsibility and of living up to society’s standards. The lover is devoid of the fear of relationships past, bereft of practicality and regard for what the society thinks, and fearless in its will to fight come what may. This, if it happens, is true love. And even though it may not materialise into a lifelong relationship, it leaves an indelible mark on the rest of your life.

“Once you must fall in love with someone you believe is perfect. You will learn that no one is perfect, and that you should never be treated as anything less than you deserve.”

The age of 24 is critical in this phase. A mentally unstable wise man of Kerala once said, if before 24 one is not a Communist, he is not a normal person; and if after 24 he is a Communist, he is not a normal person. I think he did not mean that the Communist party workers should fire everyone older than 24. But he might have meant that only a man who sees wrong from the supposed right and has the capability to put his interests behind those of society’s and to speak out against what he sees is wrong, is capable of loving without fear. It is only till 24 that a person can do this. Afterwards, he becomes worldly. 

The third phase is in the years later than 28. The person has tried his hand at doing what he wants and is now cautious to preserve the gains as he tries to attain more. This is a cautious and compromising love that finds or seeks to find a balance between self-interest and the lover’s needs. This is a practical, reciprocating love. A tit-for-tat love. It is not what poets call true love.

“And once, you must fall in love with someone exactly like you. This will teach you about who you are, and who you want to be.”